Moving On..

My "Never-ending-horrific-essay-of-death" transitioned into a "finished: not-my-problem-anymore" state last night around 4am. i am so relieved. i spent tonight watching movies with aiden from the same class, and then later a quick round of bowling with carolyn and andre.

And i got flowers yesterday. how could my day be any better? :)

now- time for more movie.
tonight is no-work-night... because work starts all over again tomorrow.. eew.

At a loss.

so i'm not sure what to do anymore.
i'm really not.
after years of being there for you, and feeling like you really were there for me, things have drifted. a lot. i try to pretend they havn't. i try to pretend i still have things in common with you when all i really have is your girlfriend, who has put in more effort and learned more about me in 3 months than you have in years. somehow, despite the way i kick myself for it, i still like you. i still want to have those links. i still want to think that we have more than memories from all those years. but i have a feeling that you think a lot more than you say, and that the criticisms that come through are only the surface of an iceburg.

fuck off: i support you.
i only want the same.

"YRS"

..written in mini-lights on the wall.
"YRS"..? Years? ohh, "Yellow Ribbon Society." right. cancer n' shit. it's a fundraiser. yea i think we made our donation for that cause.
So we went to the Holiday Ball :) bought our tickets. got all glammed up in our dresses and suits. the crew came over here for the pre-party. [yes, that's right.. people other than jill actually visited my apartment! *gasp!*]

I think we dropped by the actual ball for about 20 mins max. walking into a room full of people in gowns, with streamers twirled from the ceiling, i tend to get this overwhelming annoying "High-School-Prom" feeling. that paired with the fact most of the people there were 1st / 2nd year, and aside from me and charles everyone i was with has graduated mta several years ago, let alone lenny who got ID'd for probably the first time in a long time, hehe.

off to the pub, and i took advantage of my line-up skipping priviledges for the first time. when the four of us started down the stairs we got yelled at by the crowd, to which our only reply was "staff" :)
it was a great night overall. yet i somehow managed to not take a single picture! crap. oh well- lots more opportunities tonight at the staff /going away party for Dave. next semester just won't be the same without him! :(

It's Tragic, really..

One week from today I will be in Halifax...
at a hotel, preparing to enjoy free food and drink in box seats at the Tragically Hip concert!!
Wohoo!! Lenny won tickets somehow through one of his suppliers for the restaurant :)

you may all fall into a jealous rage anytime now.

Winamp, i hate you.

my winamp has static. how is that possible? if i stop it and restart the song it's fine.. until the next track. oi.
however, despite that i just wanted to give a little blog nod to PopJoy :) lead singer Sarah Smith has amazing vocal range and power. i love her! they came to mta last year.. i think. maybe the year before. i wandered into their concert having never heard of them before and left with their cd. cool beans.

For Andrew

I added one of your CB buttons ----->
I always like swearing for a good cause..
We'll probably come bug you a bit tomorrow night at the ball. what time does the band stop and you start DJing?

To Live

Ok, who wants to write me a 15 - 20 page paper on "Chinese Nationalism & Film"?!
come on.. you know you wanna. i'll pay! ..in money or sexual favors!
dear god. and the low sink lower.

my back still hurts. more pills please. maybe i need one of those small chinese women to walk on my back.. maybe she could also write my paper.

i just wanna cry.

Drink and be Merry

Hope y'all are havin a hoot at the SnowBall :)
I, on the other hand, am planing an all-nighter to get this friggin anthro essay off my plate for once and for all. Let the incoherent writing begin!

Fuckin Eh!

Thanks to this audioscrobbler program jon's got me hooked on, i stumbled across this song I used to LOVE and had entirely forgot about!!
I was listening to someone's music, and this band called "Skunk Anansie" comes on. I'd never heard of them, but I knew i recognized the singer's voice from somewhere... so i started looking around and found another one of their songs ["Weak"] that i remembered having on an old mixed tape Sarah had made me years ago.
Awesome song, and their other stuff seems good too.. have to keep tabs on them.

I have to appreciate the little things right now, since my academic career's slowly slipping down the drain pipes.

Why?

When everything else is so great.

On second thought..

I was going to blog about the 3 hours i spent in the hospital this morning, getting x-rays and having breathing tests done because today i'm only able to breathe super-shallow without causing extreme pain in my lung and ribs for no explicable reason.. but then i read kaitlin's blog about her lovely hospital experience, and decided i didn't have it so bad.

the xrays found nothing. the aesthma tests found nothing. he prescribed some anti-inflamitories, assuming the muscle group attached to the ribs are just spontaneously acting up, and sent me home.

*shrugs*

Cheese with yer Whine?

I feel like i've been hit by a truck.
my shins and the backs of my legs are so sore that it hurts to walk. my neck and back are stiff. my joints (esp. knuckles, which i'm trying to quit cracking) are aching. i've had headaches off and on all week, and my upper ribs hurt when i breathe.

what the fuck did i do to myself? did i sleepwalk/fall down a set of stairs or something? i don't recall any unusual activities that would fuck me up like this. i really hope this isn't just a preamble to getting sick.

on another note... i feel like lists.
Things I'm happy/entertained with today:

- i bought "quality street" chocolates :) i wish they were available all year instead of just xmas.
-jon introduced me to an online radio program that logs you and your friends' fav. music. i'm been enjoying that this evening.
-i found an old pavement tape ["Brighten the Corners"] and borrowed carolyn's tape deck just so i could play it.
-our schedules have managed to work out so that Lenny and I have actually been able to see each other *several* times this week.
-clementines are in season :) mmmmm

again from halloween.. a witch and a dom. hehehe.. i quite enjoyed the whip. ;)

Bee, at my place after the BBQ moved indoors 

Halloween at the pub: My roommate carolyn, her bf Andre, me, and Jill. 

some older pics from my BBQ in the summer... 

Who Knew?

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

Like it's 1899...

Finally got back in NB tonight.
power's been out in tantallon since saturday night, and shows no sign of coming back on any time soon.
the snow plow didn't come by our street at all until this morning. that's 2 days of being effectively trapped in the driveway unless you have a truck to cut through a foot of snow.
Jamie came home sunday night.. by a tow-truck. his car was fine. just stuck for a day and a half in an unplowed street in timberlea, and with a dead battery from pushing it around for an hour or so w/ the lights on, trying to get it free.

sunday and monday were spent bringing in wood, stocking the wood stove for heat.. cooking food very slowly over the stovetop.. moving the contents of the fridge onto the back deck so food wouldn't go bad.. collecting rain water and melting pots of snow to use for water to flush toilets and to wash up a bit.. doing some homework by daylight [in between keeping the fire running].

evenings [which begin around 4:30 when it starts to get dark] were spent sipping wine by the fire, and talking with the family. mom and dad insist there's no such thing as "the good old days" if life required this much work, hehe.
My grampy had no electricity when he was growing up in Pubnico. there was maybe a waterpump in the house.. but going to the washroom meant heading out to the outhouse. food was kept in the icebox, and the stove had to be stocked non-stop. sounds like fun eh?

well the power company says power could be out to the end of the week, so my uncle drove the 3 hrs from Pubnico to bring my parents his generator, since south shore NS had hardly any snow and had full power. at least now they can run the water pumps and furnace to at least get showers.

boy am i glad i'm outta there.
don't get me wrong, it was an interesting weekend.. and a kind of nice break. but still. i'm a big fan of communication. and with only an ancient cell phone that has like a 1/2 hr battery life, we were pretty secluded, lol.

Snow Place Like home

Kinda neat to be back in Halifax for the first big snow. we got a dusting in Sackville last week, but this is more fun. i'll make a confession: I don't really like winter. As a maritimer.. i try to put up a bit of a show and claim we're all used to it, and can deal with it [which is true to an extent].. but it doesn't mean i have to like it. I like the warm. i like the sun. i like not having to worry about whether the shoes i have on when i leave the house have treads good for snow and ice or are waterproof.

i left the guys' place on windsor fairly early this morning to catch a cab back to my car, and get ahead of the snow that was just starting. always nice to get stuck driving in snow with summer tires after having not been behind the wheel in 3 months.

after dad shovelled the front stairs, mom and i went for a walk around the block. when we got back, there was a tree down in the street in front of my house. the power has gone out three times.
around midnight i glanced out the window and saw a car sideways in the snow out front. i thought it might be jamie, coming home from town. it was his friend kyle. i helped them shovel out and gave a push to get them going. i kinda hope jamie has somewhere in town to stay tonight, because i doubt his stylish low-profile extra-wide summer tires and lowered front bumper would make it up the street.

how is it that there's only a month left of school, and i still feel like i havn't actually done anything?

well this week was fun.
anth presentation went reasonably well..
songwriter's competition was great. i'm so glad i borrowed ryan's guitar; all the acts using acoustics without plug-ins were bearly audible. i've done that 3 yrs in a row thankyou, it was time to be heard. there were lots of really great acts too. appearently horns are the "new" big thing to have in a band..

and in a few hrs i get to catch the bus home :)
do some laundry.. get going on a few essays..
and see all of you!!
gimme a shout at home if you want to do anything- otherwise i'll eventually track you down.

Jill's coming down on friday to visit, so she'll likely be with me for geekbeer and any after-festivities.

see you soon.

For the story-lovers

In case you missed it on FP...

http://www.dionaea-house.com/

follow all the blogs. click all the links. creepy, but worth the effort. i read it from start to finish as soon as i got it. got hooked. :)

got milk?

y'know those milk adds.. where they say no one strives to be second best?
the one with the musician guy, who says he never wanted to be the best musician, "just a pretty good one", and it's supposed to be this big joke? well i only want to be a "pretty good" one. getting to play in public once in a while, and having people appreciate it. whether they're strangers, or my best friends. i know my music isn't the kind that sells on a large-scale. it's not mega-marketable. that's ok. the kind of places i like to play aren't about that anyway. it's about local talent; whether at MTA or GeekBeer. it's individualism. having a piece of yourself in every note..

the songwriter's competition on campus is monday. i don't intend to win anything. it's just a good opportunity to play in a crowded space. maybe be heard by someone new. this is an event that gets bigger every year.. and as it does i enjoy it less everytime. [and no andrew, this isn't a dig at you- you're very good at marketing; it's what you do.]
i sat down with carolyn on thursday night and played a bunch of songs for her. she listened- really listened. she told me what worked. what didn't. she said what i needed more of, less of. etc.
no one's ever done that for me before.
it's one thing for your friends to let you play and say "sure, it's great- you're great!" but that doesn't help me. it's not constructive. besides, when i play for a crowd i can tell who's actually listening. i see their faces and the way they lean in.. and it's a very small number who do.

hmmm

carolyn called her mom last night to talk about finances.
judging by the raise in volume and the number of swear words, i'd say it didn't go so well.

few more steps

mom? we've have been thinking.
you think it's a great idea?
she thinks it's a great idea.

other people told me not to. "dumbest idea ever", she even said. when else could i do this? i have the money, the time, the courage. i have no ties. besides, it's only temporary, we'll be back by spring. carolyn still has to talk her mom into it for finances, and we still have to decide where. I want france, caro wants south africa.. but we both know we just want to go. and soon. swap looks like the best option, since they give you at least a few starter contacts and i know some people who've gone through them.

and we'd probably have to keep paying for our apartment through the winter, unless we can find a subletter. i'd come back for my final semester of credits in the fall and graduate either next xmas or next may.

"but you won't graduate in 4 years- why not just stick it out and get it over with?"
why the big race to graduation when i havn't a clue what to do once i get across the line?
i've never done anything like this, and never thought i would. despite all my antics on the small scale, i'm a bit of a coward when it comes to big choices. what started as a small suggestion has now become a huge kick in the ass. and i'm up. i'm moving.

I am out of control

so.... my roommate and i are thinking about taking next semester off school and finding somewhere to work in a foreign country. seriously. nepal, latin america, france... we're thinking about what contacts we have and putting out some feelers on job opportunities.

anyone know of any really good companies for that kind of thing? have friends who've done it? where do i start?... wow. what the hell. i know everything and nothing.