Holidays and special events start to take on different meanings since I've been working at the Pub. instead of meaning 'candy' 'pumpkins' 'costumes' and 'fun', Halloween now means 'lots of drunken idiots', 'beer spilled on costumes', and 'misheard drink orders given through masks'.

Appearently American Eagle has been selling a line of cow-girl hats this season. This means that every girl on the planet in search of a sexy-skanky costume was immmediately drawn to the cow-girl look. I have never seen so many in one room outside of a country music video. Then there are the costumes that seem to have no other distinguishing features aside from revealing tops and mini skirts. Halloween is appearently the ultimate opportunity to be slut-ified in public and get away with it.

on a similar note- it doesn't feel like halloween. i'm bored/kinda tired. i have very little urge to think of a costume. i didn't carve a pumpkin for the first time this year.

when the sky has nothing left to offer me, i survive on food and dreams. sleep away the afternoon in shaky, broken storylines.

You're Fiona Apple! You're complex, moody, and
sensual.

Which musical genius are you?

hmm.. i stole this from someone linked to Andy's blog. it's kinda fun, and i suppose at least somewhat accurate. the first time i played at a coffee house i got asked if one of my own songs was from a 'new' fiona album or something.

Also, on another note- what happened to my side-bar? why are you way down there... :o(

Oh Tuesdays, how i love you.

pool tournament, arm-wrestling competition [i won a match!] dancing, drinking, dancing, progressive beats, visitors, after-party at the studio, high energy and good moods, neon lights, sneaker pimps, hot guys, and little sleep.
now i have to do a 15% assignment in one day.. half of which i've already spent sleeping.

my arm hurts.

hmmmm..
i'm dying shelley's hair blond... but it's kinda turning red.
i think she's gonna kill me.

i like the sound of the keyboard when i type quickly; feeling fabrics on my bottom lip; picking at hangnails, sunburns, and callouses.
when i'm alone, i often speak in french to make sure i still can.. sometimes i translate my readings as i go, slowly.
when i try not to twirl my hair, i end up folding the edge of my shirt cuff between my fingers.
like my mom, i grind my teeth when i'm working, or especially, sewing.
feeling the wind in sackville every fall, and walking though the leaves at night, is the closest thing to a religious/spiritual experience that i can regularly count on.
i often have the urge to suddenly collapse on the ground wherever i am.. and just.. stop.
even when i'm right next to the phone, i almost always let it ring twice.
my largest phobia is, and will probably always be, spiders. usually i avoid or kill them. but sometimes, with an immense amount of will-power, i pick one and decide to let it stay. i've been tolerating and dodging the one on the hall cieling by the light for a week or so. it seems to be quite settled in.

ben, mat, ian:

sorry I missed you guys. just got home, and got your message.. though i'd have to say you probably didn't pass me. just got home now, and was at The Pub all night... far drunker than i should have been. why do i get trashed? i never enjoy it. oh well. goo dnight overall anyway. see y0u next time i'm home.

Official Random Award

I loves ya kel.
If only I had a camera for the viking hat / stillettos moment.
Thanks for wanderin the moncton mall with me. too bad we didn't have more time to just chill out. yer welcome in sackville whenever you'd like.
*kisses*

I'd just like to take this moment to say, that I love my mom :)

Justice, thy name is Heather!

Oh my god it's over.
After 8 months, many harrassing emails, several phone calls, house visits and angry notes... the books are back. I walked back from the bus station after having picked up my parcel. I hugged it close to my chest never wanting to let it go. My very expensive books. Books I'd never even read. I went straight to the library and had a long talk with the librarians, who knew the story and wanted all the dirt and details on the books' return:

"You got them back? What'd ya do- go to his house and beat 'im up?!"

not quite. i think it was the last angry note on his door, demanding a 400$ cheque, that finally did it. not that John had anything to with their final return. His extremely helpful girlfriend Heather called again that night and told me the package with the books was on its way, by SMT bus and would arrive shortly. I heaved a huge sigh of relief and thanked her profusely.

The librarians were full of gossip, that i'm not sure how they couldn've gotten.. appearently John's girlfriend Heather is actually married and only having an affair with John.. which might explain why she only visits his apartment once in a great while, and why she refused to give me her address to allow me to send her a thank you present. appearently he also has several hundred dollars worth of library fees in his own name too. *shrugs* at least now i won't have to deal with either of them for a long time.

So.. Cancer, yea.

I kept Jill company last night for a while at the mta Relay For Life; a fundraiser for cancer research and all-around mourning ceremony / cry-fest.

They say that one in three people are touched by cancer. they asked us to stop for a moment and think about who we were here for. I don't think I know anyone, not a single person, who has had cancer. oh, wait.. hmm. i think i had a teacher in junior high maybe. but i didn't know her well at all. That's a whole lot of cancer-less people in my life. does that mean that someone else knows twice as many that do have it? you can poke fun and say what you want about the french blood, but appearently we chanced to stay clear of the cancerous genes.

and this is going to sound really cold, and i think it has something to do with the way i deal with emotion altogether, but it seems to me that walking around for 12 hours in a continuous loop is a very large waste of energy which does nothing to resolve any issues having to do with cancer.. i understand that the point is to get sponsors and raise money, which makes sense. lighting candles in memory of people we've lost, makes sense. coming together as a group to show our support, makes sense. but the whole 'relay' part of the relay is kinda lost on me.

Sweet

yay for open-mic nights. i had no idea how chill the dooley's open mic was.. everyone had told me it was really rigidly structured, and that i'd have to sign up a week in advance, etc.etc. but tonight was great, i'll definately come to that more often. Andrew, you're the kick in the pants i usually need to get my ass up. thanks for buggin' me. though next time i'll definately have to borrow pat's guitar instead of what's-her-name's.

on another note- carolyn gets drunk so fast. i swear i leave her alone for 20 mins and she comes back to me in a haze. this has now happened on several different occasions. i couldn't even take shots fast enough to hit me that quickly. ..my drunks are usually a slow-build that occasionally cumulates in a big wham at the end.. usually after some particular bartender has lined up shooters with the intent of getting me smashed for his own amusement.

bluh. i'm not tired, but i guess i should go to bed soon.
i really have to get work done this weekend at some point.. essay proposal and all.

indecision clings;

..wraps her arms around me and begs me not to turn away, not yet. a little longer, she says. she presses and it takes all my will-power to pull my hands free. standing between the lines of certainty leaves me feeling incomplete and dishonest- even where no truth is to be given. i put one sure foot ahead, with a head-strong position much like that of Yukie after Noge: no regrets.

i am slowly closing the gaps left open by my girlish senslesness.
i will step over the lines.

Hehehehehe :)

I'm kitten-sitting. Critters make me happy.

Milo is so cute and so small. though pretty much anything small with fur is adorable. I had to move Carolyn's birds into another room so i could keep the kitty away. all he wanted to do before was jump on the age and scare the hell out of them. he does all the same things Pekoe used to do; like taking giant bounding runs down the long hallway, and stopping abruptly at the end with his tail all puffed up.

on another note- i think i disappointed just about everyone today.
carolyn was hoping i'd go out thursday night instead of tongiht,
charles feels guitly because i agreed to take his pub shift so he can study,
lenny's disappointed because he has the night off and i don't anymore,
shelly's upset because i'm working instead of drinking,
ugh.
and here i thought it was going to be a pretty boring night.

Choose Your Element

Air.
Surrounds and wraps itself around you.
Twisting, cooling, lifting, blowing.
Winds spin up like a passion; so much power.
Moving, pushing, shaking, taking.
Fog sits heavy; thick and dull.
Hot and humid; bearing down, laying still all around.
Take me, lift me, move me.
You sink right through me.

i want GeekBeer back. i miss it. last night was great. i liked the Grawood actually. It had a distict lack of other patrons. kinda nice to have a place mostly to yourself on a friday night. . ..how do they stay in business again...? missa, man, you totally shock me sometimes. in the good way. i've been going through melissa withdrawl after our full summer. find your way to sackville one of these days. appearently i told kathryn i'd call her about breakfast/brunch this morning? i don't remember. i'm sorry we didn't call though. josh has a rockin' t-shirt. and now kaitlin's 'holy fist-fuck' stories make so much more sense. guys, your apartment's rad. and as much as i hate to admit it- the dual TV situation makes perfect sense, given how addicted y'all are to your games. looking forward to turky dinner.. i think the part that feels the weirdest to me everytime i come home is the smells. while everything's both familiar and different, somehow the smells always seem to change while i'm away.

Let's play a Game:

It's called- "Is Suzanne Insane?"...

so tongiht, i went to dinner on a date, [and to a couple pubs afterwards for the hell of it], and had a really good time. i really did. it was a great night.

he's 33.

that's 12 years on me.
tell me i'm crazy. just say it, please.
where can it go?

At every good point through the night i kep thinking "Carolyn's gonna kill me"... my roomie thinks i'm crazy for doing this. Tell me it's Sackville psychosis.

New Face

Felt like something fresh.
..I'm hoping to get back on track through blogmosis.

Are the Counting Crows Canadian?
Carolyn's convinced that a line from their song- 'Mrs. Potter's Lullaby' is about Halifax...

"We stand up in the palace like it's the last of the great pioneer town bars"

i somehow doubt it, but i suppose it's 'possible'.

You know when things
start to get out of hand?

they begin to get so busy you're not sure what to tackle first.. you're mind can't make any decisions because it's not sure where to focus?.. you end up doing less instead of more.. you feel like you can't handle anything, but somehow it all gets handled, and you're left not knowing if you actually did it yourself or not because you've been in such a daze?

no?
that's too bad. guess it's just me.

pop-quizes, study through tonight with coffee break in a while, phone number on my wrist, work no play tomorrow, trying to make plans, fail my midterm thursday, catch the class film, nerves, dinner, pack, home friday afternoon, geek beer, grawood, shopping, family, research, presentation- stop. ugh.

She get's this look

when she's really into it. that you can tell she's not thinking about anything but the music. i can see it in her movements, in the slow creeping grin. and just when you think she couldn't possibly give anymore, she finds more energy, more moves, more enthusiasm.

it wasn't to happen this time.
just wasn't there.
it's the big plans that always slip through your fingers. the best nights are still the unexpected ones.

gonna be a long night..

worked this afternoon on an essay... mostly finished it.
worked at the pub from 4:30 - 7pm.
i'm home for a shower and supper... then back to the pub to work from 9 until close.
then driving to saint john with scooter, shelley, jill, & co. for his DJ gig which starts at 5:30am. hanging out there for a while, then crashing at someone's house.. back at some point on sunday i assume.

you do it to yourself, you do. and that's what really hurts. you do it to yourself.

Tee hee hee

i got asked on a 'date'. ..for like, the first time ever. (well, with someone i wasn't already invovled with)
woot.