looking back

regret is not something that i'm very used to.. but i suppose it had to come up eventually. i really wish things hadn't turned out the way they did- poorly handled situations. now and then i'm tempted to crawl back full of appologies, but i'm sure you hate me by now anyway.

bah.
i had a big long post about spring break and blogger deleted it.
pfffft.
fine then, you get no updates.

They say, 'when it rains it pours'..

but in our case it's usually a snowstorm.
so, all of our spring break plans land on these next two days and i'm pulling out every trick in the book in order to not miss any of them. Girls' Night is tonight at Kurt's place. I'm staying in town afterwards, so that i don't get stuck in tantallon on friday during the blizzard. That way i can still chill out and hit up Reflections friday night, in order to meet up with scooter and hopefully make it back to sackville in one piece.
i should think, if all goes as planned, i'll be back in sackville around 6am on saturday.. in time to sleep it off so i can work the bar that night.
w00t!

ok i'm bored as hell tonight.

i wanna play guitar, or go drinking, or shopping, or something...
i want summer- now. enough of this cold shit. i hope that this time next year i'm in australia where it's 32 degrees, not -15. at least then when i'm bored, i'll be bored and comfortably warm, not fuckin cold. i miss the summer when i can go for barefoot walks around the block to ease my weekday midnight boredom.
yes, that's right- feel sorry for me because i'm pathetic and irritable.

lol

last night i had a dream that i was getting married to Ian [trying to pull a will&grace? idano..] except while we were waiting for the wedding ceremony to get started, the floor started bouncing [the bride fell over].. and then we realized that we were inside a moving trailer! oh my. i don't think we went through with it.

sweet.

that was pretty cool jon.
i wish we'd taken pics of us during recording. oh well. clicky here to see The Music Room studio we got to play in yesterday. despite sporadic coughing fits and some strain, the track turned out awesome. my next goal is to get Kathryn to try out for Conduct Becoming Halifax

as a side note..

[boys are dumb.]

slowly recouperating...

i made it to my classes today. stopped taking medications yesterday. i spent yesterday morning looking up every possible remedy for singing with a cold or damaged vocal chords. looks like i've done all the right things, just have to go easy. even talking, i'm still pretty crackly/raspy. maybe it'll be sexy, who knows.
andrew sent me pictures of The Music Room- pretty awesome looking place. i can't wait. should be in town around 12:30 tomorrow. jon, i'll track you down as soon as i get in.

note to self

nyquil & dayquil = strong stuff.
not coughing... but can't think straight.
dazed & floaty.. no class for me.

HELP!

what's the best way to kick a cold / cough FAST!?
i sound like a croaking frog, and i'm supposed to record in halifax on thursday :o(...

nothin like being sick for an audition and valentine's day in the same week.
i hate my body.

Tantramar Titans beat Clément-Cormier 2:1

Best team in the province? heh, not anymore.
Congrats :)

the thing about sackville...

is that it's ours.
walking home at two in the morning, i did a cartwheel in the center of the intersection. just because i could.

never been so happy to smell cow shit in all my life

it was warm enough today that the ground was thawing in the farm fields and marshes that surround sackville.

had my grad photos taken today.
i think i want an mta ring.. have to look into pricing though. damned things are expensive.

in Soc class we watched a long documentary on Ukranian diasporic communities in Canada. they talked about the fight between beig 'ukranian enough' and 'canadian enough'.

if i have one regret in my life, it's that i never learned acadian french from my parents. why would they completely cut their children out of that part of their heritage? what was it about speaking the language they grew up with, that they didn't want to perpetuate? my uncle and his wife spoke french to my cousins since they were babies, and now they're fluent.
i had to learn my french from a textbook. from people who had no personal or historical link to me, my culture, or my family. i love listening to my mom with her family. [dad doesn't use his french at all anymore]. i love the dialect that only comes from long periods of time with a relatively enclosed culture.
when i think about it too much, sometimes i almost feel angry about it. i'm sure they only meant the best. maybe they just never really thought about it.

[my appologies for being anger-ridden lately... it'll pass, i'm sure. it's probably similar to gas.]

That's it- I'm becoming a Luddite.

I realize that's a somewhat moronic statement to make on a Blog, but today it just makes way more sense than anything else.
After plugging away all day on this annoyingly monstorous essay proposal [oh yes- *just* the proposal] i decided to head over to the library to look up a few things, do some final editing and print it off. However, appearently MTA's computer systems [aside from being old, slow, and equiped with only bare minimum software] have a particularly strong hatred for Corel Word Perfect today. [not that i would ever use corel, given the choice, but that's all that mta offers]. For the first little while, the program only crashes once every 10 mins. so i start saving frequently.. switch to the next computer to see if it's working any better today. Then, not only does Corel start crashing every 30 seconds or so- it also refuses to save any data whatsoever.

After dealing with this issue on my own for roughly an hour, [to the point where it stopped saving] racking up about 35 crashes, i saunter over to the circulation desk to inform them of my troubles. She asks me if i've talked to the computer help desk guy. I look at her with what i'm sure was an amused expression and tell her that i've been here 4 years and had no idea that that particular table was supposedly a "help desk"- since there has never been any one at it, nor is there any signage indicating help services. today, like any other, help desk guy's not around. so, deciding that if i were to spend one more second dealing with this issue i would probably shoot someone, i end up writing my prof a quick email to tell him that i'm going home to see what i can do from there, but that i very possbily will not have my assignment done because mta's computers are still back in the stone age.

fuck you mta. fuck you very much.

jumbled

.i just want to do what i want.
.writing feels so hard- reading is agony.
.the cold air eats me.
.i'm out of place here- coming to the end.
.i'm nervous to stay there- with all of its history..

[i was in the building before i realized. then all i could do was pray not to see him. i won't make the mistake again. i suppose, in the end, 40oz to freedom only gave me more constraints.]

.i have the apartment to myself; they're gone to play on the island.
.she knows everything and it miraculously changed nothing.
.i'm so socially acceptable and PC consciencous, it's bullshit. unwilling to speak for fear of pissing someone off- making them uncomfortable.
.i'll always save your face, even if i can't bear to look at it.

We are way too cute for our own good.

caro's going to PEI this weekend: an early valentine's day celebration with andrei.
so rather than doing the homework we were supposed to be doing last night, carolyn and i spent the evening making chocolates.

bitter-sweet, milk-chocolate, white vanilla, caramel bits, peanuts, coconut. take your pick of favorite ingredients and start inventing.
poured into ice-cube tray moulds, decorated with pink and white coloured chocolate, shavings, and crunchy toppings. assembled into heart-shaped boxes with tissue paper.

our kitchen looked like willy-wonka's tornado hit it by the time we were done, but it was so much fun, and they worked better than i ever thought they would.

i even found a recipe for making chocolate roses. did you know that if you add corn-syrop to melted chocolate and then let it cool, it becomes the texture of workable clay?