Megan. Jamie. Janice. Lana. Leah.

i thought we were through. we are through.
i thought i was over it. i'm not over it.
i can't see them without remembering, without being happy,
without imagining, without wondering, without being angry.

you can't spend two years with someone, spill your secrets to someone,
eat all your meals with someone.. live your lives together for two years and then just give it up.
you can't have no regrets, you can't pretend it never happened.
well, i guess they can.

i can't. they smile, but they keep walking.
what happened, what changed, what went wrong, what did i do?
i knew all along. i suspected it would happen. i saw the glances, i heard the whispers, i noticed the tendency to make plans without me. they slipped away like leaves falling off the trees: you can't say exactly when it happened, you didn't really see it starting until it was already too far gone.

they came to the bar last night, and i was working.
i han't seen them all together in months- we blissfully managed to avoid each other most of the time.
they were drinking and dressed to the nines. they would have gotten ready together, drinking and laughing and trying on each others' outfits. they would have played music loud in their 5 bedroom house. they would have done all the things we used to do as 6.

Megan was my roommate.
Lana was my history buddy.
Jamie was my closest friend.
Leah was my neighbour.
Janice was the one who started it all downhill.
we were the top west girls first year, then the top east girls second year. we were the trueman house girls, we were the floor everyone wanted to be on. now they're the union street girls, and i'm a lansdowne girl.

i can say it wasn't meant to be. i can say they weren't good for me. i can say that i saw through them, but it won't make it easier. for now i'll just keep trying to make new friends, new contacts, new links, better links, so i won't have to spend saturdays alone, thinking of what they were propably doing.