I'm at my last pub staff party ever, and instead of drinking and dancing i'm in the computer room with wet cheeks and a glass of jack & coke because i can't look at her. shelley's leaving. i won't have another chance to hang out with her. she'll be tree planting all summer. if i see her in august at the earliest it'll be incredible luck. i don't know if she knows how important she's been to me. i have a lot of aquaintances and not a lot of close friends here. i hate this stage of perpetual limbo, but i can't bring myself to step outside of it.