it still comes back to me.
often.

when i don't expect it. it slides in- a sick shudder, simultaneously residing in my spine and somewhere deep inside my gut. disgust; thick and churning. matched with an anxiety that makes me feel like a small child. i try to force it away, back down from wherever it came, but usually once it's there it just has to fade on it's own. slowly and angrily all over again. i hope you still feel it too. i hope you wake up every morning and remember how you changed. how you ruined everything, and made grim whispers my reality.